I do all the things for them. Sometimes I do them for me, so I can be whole for them. But, when it really comes down to it, I do them for them.
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Like tonight, for instance. Tonight I went to a “Toastmasters” (public speaking) group meeting. I signed up for it weeks ago. But when tonight actually got here, I nearly talked myself out of going at least 10 times. What if everyone knew each other already? What if I couldn’t learn something? What if it made me uncomfortable? What if. What if. What if.
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But I went. I went for them. I mean, I went for me. But I really went for them. Let me explain.
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I’ve always loved public speaking. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve dreamed of being a professional speaker. Inspiring people. Being a keynote. Changing lives. It’s part of why I got into sales.
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But, somewhere along the way, I lost that dream. I stopped perusing it. Sure, I speak for a living now in sales. I get to inspire people. But, on stages? To masses? I haven’t practiced that in years. If I’m honest, it makes me nervous as hell.
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So, tonight, I took one small step towards that dream. Of being a regular public speaker. You know why? FOR THEM.
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A few months ago, I heard something on a podcast that really stuck with me. I could write a whole post on this one thing. But, to sum it up, the speaker said that we can’t spend our children’s whole childhood telling them that they can be anything. Encouraging them, coaching them, telling them to follow their dreams… if we don’t also follow our own. He said eventually, one day, they would notice. One day they’d ask “What about you mom?” The words made me cry as I heard them “What about you?”
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So, tonight, I followed a dream. I set the example. I did the thing. Because if I do one thing on this planet. If I set one example, if I leave one legacy, I will be a mother who never stoped chasing her dreams. Even if I’m 35. Even if I’m a mother of 2. Even if it’s scary. Because it’s what I want them to do too. And, they are watching. ✨
Tag: Motherhood
Take three slow breaths.
A wise leadership coach once told my team at work and me no matter what our day looked like, no matter how tired we were, how stressed we were, how hungry we were, or how annoyed we were with our day, to take THREE . SLOW . BREATHS . before walking in the door when we got home.
Since I work form home, for me it was actually three slow breaths before I walked OUT the door of my home office and into the rest of our home. When I learned about this practice, it was before we had kids. It was just Dustin, Coop (our dog) and me. I think it’s even more important once you have a family. But, the reason for doing it was the same then as it is now: to stop, transition from hectic day, and approach the people you love as the person you most want to be. Not as the tired version. Not as the stressed version. Not the hangry version of yourself. But, as the one your loved ones signed up to share their lives with. To show up as the best version of you.
So, I did it back then. Three slow breaths before I finished work and joined Dustin in out in the kitchen. I showed up with a smile. I showed up with energy. I consciously showed up without complaining about whatever stressed me out that day. I tried, when I remembered at least, to show up consciously as the best version of me.
Flash forward to present day, and this is more important than ever. For many of us, we’re parents now. And, when we walk in the door, it’s not just to our partner. But, it’s to our family. Our people. Our teeny tiny tribe. The ones who call us “Mom.” And, because of that, I’m doing it again: Three. Slow. Breaths. before I walk in the door. I had lost touch with this practice for a while. But, it’s back because I want to show up for them. It’s back because walking through that door with positive energy, will lead to positive vibes for everyone. At dinnertime. At bath time. At bedtime. It sets the tone for the whole routine. It sets the tone for the night.
And, the night may seem like just one night. But, when you really think about it, we live that night every night. And, those repeat nights become our life.
After all, life is not about big things. It’s not the birthday parties, or the vacations, or the long weekends at the lake. It’s not the days at the zoo, or Paw Patrol Live shows, or anything else big, cool, or monumental that we do together. The moments that make up our lives are the things we do repeatedly. The moments that happen over and over, day after day, night after night. These are the moments ARE our life. So, with that, I’m going to show up.
I’m not going to get it right every time. I’m not going to be perfect. But, I am going to try. Because as much as all the other stuff matters…. What matters the most is how I show up for my family. What matters are the moments with them. So, moving forward, night after night, I will take those three. slow. breaths. I will SHOW UP as my very best me.
So, before you head home from work, or your work out, or errands, from volunteering out of the house. Before you come home from whatever it is, try the three.slow. breaths. ❤ I hope it works for you, like it has for me before.
xoxo,
Lauren
And, P.S. Dustin does this so well too. Better than I do, and I admire him for it. Hence the pic on instagram sending you here for the read.
For the first time mamas.
This is one of my favorite pictures, but I never shared it…. mainly because I’m wearing Costco Christmas pajamas in the middle of summer and my glasses are out of style. 🤣
But, I was with a group of girlfriends recently, and when I asked a new mom how life with a newborn was, she said it was good, but that “no one talks about that it’s hard.” And, she‘s right.
We all post our pretty pictures. Our smiling babies. Our letter boards. But not enough of us talk about the rest. So, here I am sharing a photo from the newborn stage, and saying IT IS HARD! This picture is one of my favorites, but it’s also of a time when I was exhausted.
And, while I love a beautiful Instagram feed as much as the next gal, here’s some real life stuff to go along with my real life picture: Nursing was really hard for me with Jack. And, pumping was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Sleepless nights made me crabby, and my hormones were out of whack. I think I had postpartum depression after my first baby, but didn’t know it at the time. And, while it almost seems like taboo to admit it, teeny tiny babies were hard on our marriage. Why does no one talk about that? It was a time when I was covered in spit up, and blowout diapers, and spilled milk that I would – for real – cry over. A time when I’d be awake at 3am searching google when the rest of the world seemingly was asleep. And, it was a time when I sometimes felt isolated… even though I now know there was a tribe of other moms out there, going through the same things.
I share this today to say to other mamas out there, you are not alone. ❤️ There is so much joy in motherhood. So much love. So much good. We all share that on Instagram all the time. But also know, in the middle of the night, when you’re holding that baby, exhausted, you are not alone. There are other mamas out there doing that exact same thing, even if their Instagram feed only shows that smiling picture in the morning. ❤️👊🏻 And, for the record, you’re doing AWESOME, mama. People don’t say that enough.
Working Moms: We can have it all…just not at the same time.
Working moms: We can have it all. Just not at the same time. (Pictured here: me doing my hair before a big meeting, but also being a mom).
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I once heard Julie Rice (co-founder of Soul Cycle) answer the question of “How do you do it all?” with something along the lines of “I don’t.” To paraphrase, she said that some weeks she was a badass at work. Some weeks she took her foot off the pedal at work and spent more time with her kids because they needed her.
I also recently heard that of the following 5 things, we can only do 3 exceptionally at a time: Family, work, friendships, working out, and getting enough sleep. And that’s ok. For most of us, I think we try to keep family in the top 3 all the time. But, realistically, our top 3 will shift from day to day and week to week.
Some weeks we’ll be ballers at work and working out, but won’t see our friends at all. Other weeks we may date our spouse and see our friends, but not be as strong at work. It’s ok for it to ebb and flow. It’s ok to be balanced and lopsided all at the same time.
Life is all about expectations. And I think the media (and social media) give us the expectation that we should be able do all of these things exceptionally all the time. And, that’s BS. No one has it all together all the time. We can thrive at all of them. Just not at the same time. And once you accept that truth, you can get rid of the expectations to have it all, and instead enjoy ALL that you have.
Lauren V Wesley 