He did it, you guys! Dustin finished a 26.2 mile marathon on Sunday. 26.2 freaking miles in under four hours.
But, if you would have asked me two years ago – when we had 2 kids under 3– if we would ever be able to fit something like this into our lives, I would have probably said no.
But, I’ve been about all about chasing dreams, and pursuing personal goals lately. Because, our kids are watching. And, I believe that the better we take care of ourselves, the better we can take care of our kids. So, Dustin and I have prioritized “us” a lot more lately. Because happy parents make for happy kids. And, having big goals, in many ways, makes both of us happy. So, this year, we each stretched for something big.
I think this first part is worth talking about, because NO ONE does: Having teeny tiny kids was really hard for us at first. Or, really hard for me, at least. And, consequently, it was sometimes hard on hard on our marriage. The identity shift from married couple to parents was… hard. And, finding our groove, helping each other, being a team, finding time for our relationship, and finding time for ourselves all took some time and serious effort, if we’re being real.
And, look, we haven’t perfected it. But, I think we’ve figured a few things out in the last several years. And, I am hoping that writing about it might help someone out there too. And, if you are in the weeds – with a tiny baby – and looking at this post thinking “I could never work something like a marathon into my life right now” you are not alone. Because that’s exactly how I felt a few years ago. I didn’t know how we would ever find time for ourselves again as parents, honestly. You have to give yourself some grace in that season. But, eventually, you will also find your way out.
Now our kids are almost 2 and 4, and we’re out of the double diaper weeds. We’ve gotten to focus on our relationship and ourselves more lately. We’ve chosen to focus on our relationship and ourselves more. Because happy, fulfilled parents make for happy kids. It’s like the famous line you hear on every flight “put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.” If we’re burnt out and drained, we can’t serve anyone. But, if we fill our own cups – our cups will overflow so much that we’ll have MORE to give everyone else.
But, being able to do this definitely takes some strategy. Especially, when priority number one is as much quality time with your kids as possible. There’s no point in filling your cup to the brim if it takes all your time away from your family.
So, you gotta’ be strategic.
This year D and I both had goals: Dustin to complete a marathon, and me to go to Pilates 4x/week (and start a blog)! But in order for us to work these things into our insane schedule, it took a lot of supporting each other, and timing.
Dustin trained early in the morning. Most mornings, he was awake, ran several miles, and was sipping coffee before Jack, Grace, and I even woke up. And, for me to fit in pilates at least 4 times a week, I had to get creative with my schedule: working classes in at the end of my work day before Rosa (our nanny) headed home. And, working on my blog late at night.
On the weekends, Dustin would run in the morning while I was with the kids. Then, we’d high five as he got home, and I’d head to my class. It took some planning to be able to do this. But it was SO worth it. Both of us getting to work on our own goals made us happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. We’d come back energized and excited for time with our family. By filling up our cups, we had more to give.
Because, let me tell you: I’ve been the burnt-out mom. Working all the hours, not getting sleep, not investing in myself. Feeling too guilty to leave my family to go do something for myself. And, you know what? I wasn’t a happy mom. I wasn’t a great mom. Being gone for that hour to take care of my body, to invest in myself, to do something for me…it fills me up. It brings me joy. It gives me ALL the energy to bring back home to the people that are my everything. It makes me better for me, and it makes me better for them.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if it’s you: If you’re the burnt out parent. If you’re running on empty. If you’re feeling guilty about working something good for yourself into your day or into your week, DO IT. Do the thing. Work it in. Find time for your partner to work it in too. Maybe it’s not exercise for you. Maybe it’s not every day. But, speaking form experience, being a happier person 100% makes me a better mom. Do the thing for you, so you have more to give to them.
It will take a little strategy. It will take planning with your partner (if you have one). But it will be worth it. You can do it, friend! Go get ‘em.
Lauren V Wesley 